Since my company was acquired by a law journal publisher last year, it has become much more of a “corporate” entity, because the acquiring firm is much larger than ours and because it’s bristling with lawyers. We now receive all sorts of directives from upon high, including the need for all employees to take a sexual harassment training course.
These courses have come a long way since I was last subjected to an awkwardly produced VHS video on the determents of ass grabbing in the workplace. The one I took was available online via any web browser and there was a quiz at the end to ensure I learned my lesson.
The presentation kicks off with an embedded Flash video that tells the tale of Mav, Beth and Katie. “Things are about to get a little uncomfortable,” the voiceover solemnly intones over a jaunty synth-sax riff, but I wasn’t about to get my hopes up. The plot, such as it is, involves Mav, who previously dated Katie, feeling uncomfortable because of her sexual innuendos regarding the nature and precise location of Mav’s tattoo. Beth plays both the conflicted coworker and token non-white person.
Afterwards, I blew through the “what is sexual harassment” overview, which includes a brief summary on what it is, how to report it, and many grammatical errors, such as, “E-mail create’s a permanent record” and “I’m a cat lover and my co-workers constantly bug me with ‘uses for dead cats’ jokes, is this harassment?” (In case you’re wondering, a.) the grammatical error is a run-on sentence; and b.) it’s not unlawful sexual harassment, although the program demands, “Keep all harassment in check—report the behavior to HR or your supervisor.”)
To finish, the program presented me with a 15-question true-or-false quiz, on which I had to score 80% or better. It’s a good thing I passed, or else they would have moved my cubicle next to the cat lady.
The two questions I got wrong were:
Everyone working in the editorial department of one of our publications is often involved in verbal joking behavior with sexual overtones. The new reporter objects and asks for a transfer. Is it true that he is being sexually harassed?
I thought “not necessarily,” and clicked false. Damn.
The other was:
It is sexual harassment if one of our advertisers makes off-color remarks on the telephone to one of our employees.
That, too, I thought was a “not necessarily” false, particularly as the sentence didn’t state whether the magazine employee was also making off-color remarks (and he probably was, if you know anything about ad reps).
Although I passed the test, I don’t know if I learned much other than it’s against the law and/or company policy to harass someone because of his race, national origin, ethnicity, religion, age, disability or cat-love preference, but it’s only illegal “in much of the country” to discriminate because of sexual orientation. So if you’re insecure in your own sexuality, consult your in-house HR representative before making any fag jokes at work.