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Happy Birthday, Coworker

Thu., February 2, 2006

I like celebrating the birthdays of coworkers. Not the obligatory herd into the conference room for grocery-store cake and wordlessness, but the signing of the card. I put thought and personalization into my messages. The one I just wrote, for a girl in the production department that I’m buddies with, read:

You are the patron saint of the company. But one of those pagan-style saints. You know, the fun kind. Happy feastday,
Jason

My rules are that the messages must be concise and not what everyone writes in interoffice birthday cards, which is “Happy birthday!”, “Have a great day!” or both. For people over 30, they will additionally allow, “You don’t look a day over 25!” For people under 30, it’s “Don’t drink too much tonight!” (Or maybe that’s just me.) Sometimes I challenge myself by fabricating rules, such as that I’m not allowed to use the word “birthday” or “happy.”

Here are two other recent birthday tidings I remember writing. This one was for the grumpy editorial assistant; I like goading her into greater grumpiness, although I admit it’s not much of a challenge.

You are the sunshine of my life. I don’t like the sun very much. Enjoy your special day anyway,
Jason

And for my previous boss, the one with olfactory hallucinations:

Do you smell something burning? That’s all the candles on your cake.
Jason

I never get feedback on my messages. Maybe people don’t read all those tiny, hastily scrawled congratulations. Maybe, like Dave Coulier, I’m not as funny as I think I am. I’ll keep writing them, though. It gives me something to consider at work other than real estate.

Tags: Job | Comments have been closed.

On February 2, 2006 at 10:35 p.m., Joe wrote:

I actually guffawed outloud when I read the one about the sunshine. I at least found them very funny. But of course I have been a fan since freshman year of college. I still recall fondy the piece you wrote about what country I would be if I was a country.

On February 2, 2006 at 10:38 p.m., Joe wrote:

Oooo "guffawed outloud" is actually redundant isn't it? Sorry.

On February 3, 2006 at 1:09 a.m., Andie Hine wrote:

there there, joe. even teachers make mistakes.