How terrible it must be to be Face Transplant Woman. Not because of the whole mauling and face transplant thing, but because she’ll only ever be known as Face Transplant Woman. No personal achievements or accolades will ever change that. Even if she were to join the competitive eating circuit and win the Nathan’s Famous contest by consuming 52 hot dogs with buns in under 12 minutes, the headlines would read, “Face Transplant Woman Eats 52 Hot Dogs” or “Woman Crams 52 Hot Dogs Into Transplanted Face.”
In the pit of fleeting, dubious celebrity, she is stuck on the lowest level. The highest contains those 15-minuters whose deed is forever free-associated with their name: Lorena Bobbitt, for example. The middle level includes people who need a qualifier to jog the memory, such as Former Mideast Hostage Terry Anderson. On the lowest level are those like Face Transplant Woman and The Runaway Bride, who go nameless and summarized by a succinct catchphrase.
Good luck, Face Transplant Woman. Maybe we’ll see you soon on Oprah with your new book.