I flew to Miami today on business and it’s only the second time I’ve even been to Florida. I see why people would want to come here for the sole purposes of drinking/fucking or waiting out death. It’s really quite pleasant. Warmth, huge puffy white clouds, palm trees, ocean breeze, spunky music. It’s enough to make you go all soft and pleasant. I’m down here for a two-day conference event produced by a big brokerage with lots of money and it’s being held at the same resort where Tiger Woods played and won during the Ford Championship on March 5.
Like most other white-collar businesses, my work is populated by middle-aged white men who get really excited about golf, and this is a golf haven. I hate golf because I am not good at it, nor do I have any desire to improve my standing. As my Dad would tell you, the first and only time I played a game of golf other than Putt-Putt, I hit more balls onto I-75 than any flat green surface.
These guys, who were mostly brokers, like sports in general. The keynote speaker was Don Shula and I watched the crowd literally lean forward in its seats to hear Coach, as they called him later during the Q&A session, talk about himself and pitch sports-success-as-business-success similes. He’s a dynamic speaker and his well-crafted jokes referencing events during his tenure coaching the Dolphins were funny, but I was left with the impression that he pulls the same speech from his pocket at all the corporate events he’s paid to speak at, complete with the insert company name here spot to personalize the thing, like the band that shouts out, “Hello, Cleveland!”