Last week on Times Square, the U.S. military installed a $1,000 sound system atop its recruitment center to ward off pigeons that wish to roost or shit on it, according to a Reuters story today (“Military Holds Fire in Pigeon War” by Nick Olivari).
At random intervals, the system broadcasts the sound of predatory birds, apparently loud enough to be heard over the din. The last deterrent the military tried was a plastic owl. “By the third day, I swear the pigeons wanted to mate with it,” said Robert Esposito, vice president of operations at the Times Square Alliance business group.
In other news, I didn’t know there were pigeons on Times Square. I thought all the waddling, sidewalk-blocking and grubbing was being perpetrated by tourists. Maybe the military could blast Tuvan throat singing from its sound system to annoy and thin the visiting ranks. Alternately, they could play something enticing, like an announcement for a coupon granting free hush puppies at Red Lobster, then forcibly recruit tourists into service as minesweepers or frontline infantry.