I always have fun at karaoke but usually so much fun—also alcohol—that I remember little the next day, when my voice resembles Marge Simpson’s and my head contains fading waves of “Forever in Blue Jeans.” This is bad because karaoke success depends on consistency. Sure, you can go off on a bender from time to time and sing wild songs, but you should at least:
- Have a signature, well-practiced song or two with which to impress and/or make the audience overlook your shortcomings.
- Know your weaknesses in terms of song selection and pitch and so on.
So when Samantha and Iggy invited me out tonight for the happy-hour special at Japas 55, I took advantage of the small-group dynamic to whip out my notebook and record what everyone sang. I’ve recreated the playlist below. This is useful, believe me, because looking at it now, I remember much more clearly what worked and what didn’t.
For instance, anyone vaguely familiar with the White Album can sing the first part of “I Will” by the Beatles, but for those such as myself not intimately familiar with it, confusion sets in by the middle-eight. Same thing with Billy Idol’s “Eyes Without a Face,” which has a tricky rapping bit towards the end that I forget exists until it’s too late.
Another problem I recall by this list is my trouble sticking to one style of singing. For instance, “Ziggy Stardust”: Should it be sung with British accent or without? The correct answer is “with” but I couldn’t make up my mind and meandered back and forth. Even worse was Björk’s “Hyper-Ballad.” I kept threatening to select a Björk song (“It’ll be fun, right?”), then I did, thinking either I would receive backup or it would be an amusing trifle, neither fantasy of which came true. For you see, I realized too late that Björk is the only person who can sing Björk songs. The sole constant in my delivery was shifting from cloying falsetto to my “normal” singing voice, bending and cracking as if I was hitting puberty over and over again. I made even myself nauseous and if Björk would have happened by, she would have punched me. And then Matthew Barney would have dumped a bucket of petroleum jelly on my bruised head.
“Here Comes Your Man” was my biggest success, in part because no one ever picks that song and even people who don’t know the Pixies or hate them in general cannot deny the tune is catchy pop greatness. (The lyrics are another story.) In general, too, country is good for me (“Folsom Prison Blues” and “El Paso”) because of the repetition and lower-voiced simplicities therein. And if you wonder why I chose to sing “Thirty-Three,” no one’s favorite Smashing Pumpkins song, it’s because that is my age. Oh, I am clever. Also, Billy Corgan generally sings with a range poor and/or basic enough for anyone to mimic. (I feel the same way about many songs of Bono, which is why I favor U2’s “One.”)
But enough about me. Turning to the people in the room who could really sing, Iggy proved he is a master of style, voice and pitch, sliding seamlessly from Barry White (complete with lusciously deep voice and spoken-word asides) to Michael Jackson (with ad-libbed hoo-hooos). He is king of the soulful oldies: see his choices from the Platters, the Temptations, Stevie Wonder, etc. Ain’t no mountain high enough for Iggy to conquer. For those of you who do not know him, I should point out that, as near as I can see, Iggy is not black. But I feel he should keep holding out for an honorary designation from the NAACP.
Samantha has a repertoire of awesome signature songs, particularly Olivia Newton-John’s “Magic,” which reminds me of The Motels’ “Only the Lonely,” another song she rocks on. She is queen of the strong voice, staying on key and hitting high notes with laserlike accuracy. As special bonuses, she will take requests (her skin-tingling rendition of Cyndi Lauper’s “All Through the Night” is a favorite of mine) and also dance along at no extra charge. For instance, she did the Robert Palmer Video Girl moves at my request during “Simply Irresistible” and, on her own, grooved “She’s a Bad Mama Jama” like a Fly Girl on Red Bull. She’s not too cool to provide backup (the repeated Les yeux sans visage in “Eyes Without a Face”) and graciously sang a Rod Stewart song Iggy accidentally keyed-in (“Love Touch”) even though she thinks Rod is a wanker.
And O those starry-eyed duets: “I Got You Babe” (more cute than corny) and “Groovin’” (self-explanatory). Well done, kids.
For the closer, “Sweet Caroline,” we belatedly activated a feature present on most newer karaoke units that tracks a singer’s key, tempo and portamento. (Portamento? I think that’s what it was.) When the song’s over, you receive an animé bar graph speckled with Japanese characters and a number. Ours was 83, which is good, I guess. We need to investigate this feature further.
As our night of song drew to a conclusion, I proved I hadn’t lost it in matters of quickly forgetting. It wasn’t until I had nearly said my final goodbyes to Sam and Iggy, heading up Eighth Avenue to the subway, before Iggy gently pointed out I hadn’t paid for my share of the festivities. That made me feel like a jerk, but it was not my intention to flee the bill and I explained more or less accurately that I usually have a stranger or someone such as Andie handle delicate financial matters when I’ve been drinking. “Here’s my wallet,” I’ll say, handing it over. “I trust you.”
| Karaoke Fun with Samantha, Iggy and Jason | ||
|---|---|---|
| The Carpenters | Rainy Days and Mondays | Sam |
| The Carpenters | Top of the World | Jason |
| Barbra Streisand | Evergreen | Sam |
| Barry White | Never, Never Gonna Give You Up | Iggy |
| Bonnie Tyler | Total Eclipse of the Heart | Sam |
| Bread | Baby I’m-A Want You | Sam |
| Johnny Cash | Folsom Prison Blues | Jason |
| Carly Simon | You’re So Vain | Sam |
| Carl Carlton | She’s a Bad Mama Jama (She’s Built, She’s Stacked) | Sam |
| Freddy Fender | Before the Next Teardrop Falls | Iggy |
| Foreigner | I Want to Know What Love Is | Sam |
| The Pixies | Here Comes Your Man | Jason |
| David Bowie | Ziggy Stardust | Jason |
| The Jackson 5 | I’ll Be There | Iggy |
| Sonny & Cher | I Got You Babe | Iggy & Sam |
| Billy Joel | All About Soul | Sam |
| Billy Joel | An Innocent Man | Sam |
| Captain & Tennille | Do That to Me One More Time | Sam |
| Billy Idol | Eyes Without a Face | Jason |
| Oasis | Wonderwall | Iggy |
| The Righteous Brothers | Unchained Melody | Iggy |
| Robert Palmer | Simply Irresistible | Iggy |
| The Beatles | I Will | Jason |
| Rod Stewart | Love Touch | Sam |
| Chris Isaak | Wicked Game | Sam |
| Chicago | Hard to Say I’m Sorry | Iggy |
| The Culture Club | Do You Really Want to Hurt Me? | Sam |
| The Commodores | Nightshift | Sam |
| The Platters | Smoke Gets in Your Eyes | Iggy |
| Björk | Hyper-Ballad | Jason |
| Poison | Every Rose Has Its Thorn | Jason |
| Smashing Pumpkins | Thirty-Three | Jason |
| Stevie Wonder | Lately | Iggy |
| The Temptations | Ball of Confusion | Iggy |
| Cyndi Lauper | All Through the Night | Sam |
| The Young Rascals | Groovin’ | Sam & Iggy |
| The Bangles | Hazy Shade of Winter | Sam |
| Marty Robbins | El Paso | Jason |
| Bette Midler | The Rose | Sam |
| U2 | One | Jason |
| Olivia Newton-John | Magic | Sam |
| Elton John | Your Song | Iggy |
| Neil Diamond | Sweet Caroline | Everyone |