I Sound Awful

Somewhere on my rockstar circuit to our nation’s “Ph” cities, I picked up a nasty head cold, which, if you know the size of my head, makes for a tremendous amount of phlegm. Along with feelings of low-grade fever and Carter-caliber malaise, I sound as if I’m speaking through a bucket of mud. I’ve taken to telling people I have laryngitis to avoid going into detail and save what’s left of my voice. They either can’t understand what I’m saying or respond brightly, “You sound awful!” Thanks, I reply, and attempt to soldier forth in my primeval rasps, coughs and gurgles. Awful is not the word for this. I sound like Tricky doing a bad Don Vito impression.