The Loud Family

There was a family sitting near me on my flight from Denver to New York City this afternoon, Mom and Dad a row back and their two young daughters sitting next to me, TALKING VERY LOUDLY TO EACH OTHER. It was like a one-joke Saturday Night Live sketch that went on too long. I thought at first they were kidding, but, no, they were ALL-CAPS LOUD. And they weren’t angry, they were chatting about the banalities that people usually do on planes, only VERY LOUDLY, like:

Mom

[Hands magazine to older daughter.] COLLEEN, READ THIS ARTICLE ON BEARS. IT’S REALLY INTERESTING.

Colleen

[15 minute pause as she reads the article, quietly.]

Mom

WELL, WHAT DID YOU THINK?

Colleen

I NEVER KNEW THAT ABOUT BEARS!

And:

Brenda

THERE ARE OLIVES ON MY SANDWICH.

Colleen

MOM, ARE THERE SUPPOSED TO BE OLIVES ON BRENDA’S SANDWICH?

Dad

BRENDA, I THINK YOU HAVE MY SANDWICH.

Holy cats it was annoying. I got no sleep because I kept getting shouted awake.