My award for the best person to talk to on the phone goes to my 80-something-year-old grandmother. I called her on Sunday for no reason other than I rarely call or write her. I realize that keeping in touch with one’s family is important so I’ve resolved to mend my black-hearted ways. Also, a tiny part of me hopes she’ll leave me more in her will than her disgust and those living room pillows she quilted from the neckties of my deceased grandfather.
First, we established that it was I, Jason—Jason Young—her grandson—Jason—that was calling. A ploy on her part to drive home the fact I rarely call? Or hard of hearing? Grandma is crafty and I will never know.
I was walking home from the grocery store just then, bag full of red-skinned potatoes and fresh dill for soup, so I told her about that. She told me potato soup appears often on the menu at her assisted living facility. She also told me about the annual electrocardiogram she’s scheduled for. I thanked her belatedly for her Valentine’s Day card. She asked unsubtly whether I have a girlfriend. Top concerns of an elder: discussing declining personal health and working early angles to build a legacy of grandchildren.
As these topics suggest, she’s cordial in a grandmotherly way, but I’ve never spoken with her on the phone for more than seven minutes, which is why she gets my award. She reminds me of certain businesspeople I call for my job who have a mildly distracted tinge of voice indicating they can’t talk long because they’re busy or expecting/hoping for a more important call. Which is fine by me because although I talk on the phone at work for a living and I’m good at it, I don’t always like doing it. I cover the facts, maybe crack a joke and move on.
I don’t know if the brevity of Grandma’s calls with me involves her not liking to talk on the phone, too, or if she has stuff she’d rather be doing, for she is a busy and sociable old lady. But I enjoy the compactness of our conversations. I wouldn’t want them to meander with uncomfortable pauses and talk of weather.