Mandoline Madness

You know, I want (wanted?) a mandoline but Googling “mandoline accident” (without the double-quotes) yields more than 4.6 million results.

Not all of these results deal with mincing and wincing but the top few results are rich with verbs such as “splayed,” sound-effect transcriptions such as “cut, cut, cut, AARGH!!” and hypothetical questions such as “Why don’t they just sell Benriner [a brand of mandoline] boxes smeared with blood?”