I saw this T-shirt at the Upper West Side Century 21 last night, another victim of the wily apostrophe.

From the January 1, 1911 edition of the Minneapolis Morning Tribune:

Trothers, wishing to replenish his supply of oats, concluded to advertise. Writing his advertisement on a typewriter, he manifolded it and sent copies to the newspaper as follows:

“Wanted — Delivered on track at Neligh, 10,000 bushels of cats. Will pay highest market price.”

Not noticing the error, he awaited results, which came sooner than he expected.

(link via TYWKIWDBI)

I.
What kind of bug was Gregor Samsa, the guy who wakes up one morning and finds himself turned into...what, exactly?

It depends on how one translates author Franz Kafka’s German. I learned it as either “monstrous insect,” which is vague (Mothra? An angry ladybug?) or “giant cockroach,” which was quaint until I moved to New York City (the Midwest has a low cockroach population).

Vladimir Nabokov, in a talk collected in “Lectures on Literature,” thought Gregor was a beetle that looked like this:

He explains:

A cockroach is an insect that is flat in shape with large legs, and Gregor is anything but flat: he is convex on both sides, belly and back, and his legs are small. He approaches a cockroach in only one respect: his coloration is brown.

....

In the original German text, the old charwoman calls him Mistkafer, a “dung beetle.” It is obvious that the good woman is adding the epithet only to be friendly. He is not, technically, a dung beetle. He is merely a big beetle.”

Not everyone agrees with this insect-assessment, Nabokov himself admitted.

II.
In my apartment’s kitchen, I’ve been having a slight issue with cockroaches. I have been committing acts of insecticide with Raid Max roach spray, which comes in a dark blue aerosol can, the subtitle of which is Mata Cucarachas. Once dispensed, it smells sweetly toxic, like lawn fertilizer, and as it settles, it smells of kerosene. I keep my kitchen clean, so it’s a mystery where these bugs are coming from. (Although, as noted above, I do live in New York City.) I seal all shelf-stable food in glass jars, Ziploc bags or plastic containers. I empty my trash and recyclable bins and bags often. I’ve kept the floors swept free of crumbs. I wash my dishes and don’t let them languish in the sink.

At work, in the sixth-floor kitchenette, people leave dishes in the sink even though there’s a small dishwasher right there that the kind folks from Office Services run every evening. Long ago, Office Services taped up a sign above the sink. It reads:

Please be courteous to your coworkers.

Place all dishes to be washed in the dishwasher.

Also, do not take kitchen utensils that don’t belong to you.¹

The sign was ignored. Today, someone taped up a sign, which I suspect was not sanctioned by Office Services, right next to the other sign. I appreciate the grammatical errors and the black-and-white cockroach photos included for illustration and emphasis:

Maybe I will name the cockroaches in my kitchen “Gregor.” Better yet, I will name them “Vladimir.”

III.
There’s a featured section on corn in the September issue of Food & Wine magazine, which I got in the mail yesterday. Most field corn in the U.S.—37 percent of the nearly 86.5 million acres planted (in 2009)—is grown to feed livestock. And the raising of livestock consumes two-thirds of the world’s farmland and generates 20 percent of the greenhouse gases driving global warming, according to this Observer article from last week, which also proposes a solution to the “meat crisis”—eating insects.

Professor Arnold van Huis, an entomologist at a university in the Netherlands and author of a UN Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) paper on the subejct, lays out what he sees as the advantages:

“The world population will grow from six billion now to nine billion by 2050 and we know people are consuming more meat. Twenty years ago the average was 20kg, it is now 50kg, and will be 80kg in 20 years. If we continue like this we will need another Earth.”

Van Huis is an enthusiast for eating insects but given his role as a consultant to the FAO, he can’t be dismissed as a crank. “Most of the world already eats insects,” he points out.² “It is only in the western world that we don't. Psychologically we have a problem with it. I don’t know why, as we eat shrimps, which are very comparable.”³

Yes, insects are high in protein, vitamins and minerals, and farming them produces far less greenhouse gas, methane, nitrous oxide and ammonia than livestock. But what red-blooded American would eat insects, except on a dare? We’d sooner eat our dogs.

I thought this especially after I glanced at insect sushi. One of the varieties mentioned in the original Telegraph article notes that the Argentine Cockroach recipe (“Cut open shell, scoop out meat and fry with butter. Replace in shell to serve on top of salad.”) “has no smell at all, but the texture of tender fish.”

Why should eating bugs be any weirder than eating fish, or a cow for that matter? Maybe because bugs are seen mostly as a nuisance, as noted above. (See also: mosquitos, midges, gnats, wasps and hornets, bedbugs, houseflies, lice, ticks, fruit flies, those parasitic worms that enter humans via their eyeball, etc.) I have never heard of a cow infestation, although clearly that’d be equal parts amusing and disgusting. I’m going to forgo eating bugs and stick with eating less meat.

¹ Yes, I work with some assholes. [back]
² Willingly, that is. 80 percent of the world’s nations, even. [back]
³ One of several reasons I don’t eat shrimp anymore. This is one of the others. [back]

Someone forwarded me an email today in which the author mistakenly referred to herself as a grain protein.

I am a gluten for punishment.

Naturally, this amuses me.

I wager that the collective IQ of the person’s responsible for this ad on Facebook is less than 160.

I don’t know what’s more surprising: the erroneous apostrophe on this sign in the unisex restroom at the Roebling Tea Room (seemingly a more-literate-than-average establishment) or the fact that an overeducated hipster with a pen or Sharpie hasn’t yet corrected it.

Shopping in downtown Laramie, Wyoming, this afternoon, we spotted qualifiers for the Just Because You Spellchecked category. Inquire should have been used on this sign for the Herb House; enquire is for the British and illiterate.

This next one’s ironical appearing in a store selling mostly magazines and books; it should of course be Classic or, really, the non-redundant Literature. At any rate, Ayn Rand doesn’t qualify for either.

This one just makes me snicker. Good gas prices, too.

This isn’t really a Just Because You Spellchecked because it’s plain wrong.

Photographed crappily at the Pax in the lobby of my work building on Eighth Avenue.

I saw a movie poster for the recent stinker Captivity on the C train after work today, and my eye was drawn to the MPAA ratings reasons. These things are great and it’s obvious moviemakers love them, particularly for R-rated movies; they’re meant to warn but they’re essentially mini-reviews that boil down the movie to its essence for any teenager hoping to catch a glimpse of a disembowelment and/or Elisha Cuthbert’s cleavage.

Anyway, as shown in my photo, the ratings reasons for Captivity are

FOR STRONG VIOLENCE, TORTURE, PERVASIVE TERROR, GRIZZLY IMAGES, LANGUAGE AND SOME SEXUAL MATERIAL

Whoops! Unless there really are brown bears trundling amid the ultraviolence, the copywriter meant to suggest the images are grisly.

With four of ’em under my belt, I think it’s time the recurring “Just Because You Spellchecked” posts got their own tag; so let it be written, so let it be done.

I’d like to volunteer myself as the copy editor for the ironic new-vintage T-shirt division of Urban Outfitters, as I am familiar not only with pop-culture clichés but the hortatory subjunctive.

Related: Just Because You Spellchecked... Part II and Part I. Also, coincidentally and oddly, the hortatory subjunctive was in the news this week.

A great story today from the Associated Press. Go here for Part I.

Typo will cost Michigan county $40K

Tue Oct 10, 5:08 PM ET

Grand Haven, MI—Ottawa County will pay about $40,000 to correct an embarrassing typo on its Nov. 7 election ballot: The “L” was left out of “public.”

A total of 170,000 ballots will have to be reprinted.

The mistake appeared in the text of a proposed amendment to the state constitution that would ban some types of affirmative action.

The word “public” was misspelled one of the six times it appears, county Clerk Daniel C. Krueger said Tuesday. Five or six people in his office had proofread the ballot, but it was an election clerk who found the mistake early last week.

"It’s just one of those words,” Krueger said. “Even after we told people it was in there, they still read over it.”

Nothing makes the editorial department feel so smug as when we spot errors in the writing of coworkers, particularly if it’s unintentionally funny. (We editors also find alliteration funny on occasion. We don’t get out much.) This afternoon, our office manager sent out an email to all staff, advising us that the Pitney Bowes mail metering machine was inoperable and that no mail would be sent out tonight. In closing, she wrote:

I am sorry for the incontinence.

Ha ha! We gave her a standing ovation and recommendations for absorbent undergarments.